didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
