I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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