how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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