There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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