Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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