sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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