I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
