i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
