I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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