Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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