So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
