I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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