All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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