Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
