So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
