I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
