She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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