Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
