she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
