soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
