I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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