well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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