No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
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