finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Randomize
