I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Randomize
