why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
