So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
