My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
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