SEEEEXXX PLEASE
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
