..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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