cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
