I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
