It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
