3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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