I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
