'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
