youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
ttyl tear gas
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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