My cat gives me a boner
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
