Do you still have your period?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
