There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
