Taylor Swift is so right about you.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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