she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
