I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
The chlamydia really affected his face.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
