You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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