so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
