Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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