Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
