but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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