my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
