we made out on top of his cat.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
