I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
