if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
not ubering you a puppy
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
