You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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