I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
