Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Randomize
