Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
