girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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